Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Are You a "Faux-sician" too?

I, and a few others, had a lot of fun with this post.  So, I've added a few more and am re-posting.  Again, feel free to add on:

With age, comes experience.  With experience, comes proficiency.  With proficiency, comes the ability to instruct others.  So based on this logic, we all have unlimited opportunities to offer advice and counsel to anyone that will listen.

I do not mean to undermine anyone's credentials as an expert.  But I am intrigued by the limitless pseudo-career options that can be obtained merely through aging.  Here is my running list...feel free to add:

  • "Faux-sician" (Fake Physician): SHE who offers up medical advice or disagrees with the diagnosis of a health professional.  (I think we all do this...who hasn't diagnosed someone else's pregnancy?)  
  •  "Faux-yer" (Fake Lawyer): SHE who understands even a shred of the complexity that is the US Legal System or she who always says, "so sue me". 

  •  "Faux-titian" (Fake Dietitian): SHE who considers herself an expert on diet and health and most female celebrities at some point in their careers.  (A special shout out to one of my in-laws who was adamant that I start drinking milk when I was pregnant for fear that I would not be able to lactate without it).
    • "Faux-tist" (Fake Artist): SHE who is taking art classes and/or SHE that makes the rest of us look bad with the most awesome Halloween costumes, party decorations, handmade gifts, etc.
    •  "Faux-et" (Fake Poet): SHE who thinks it's funny to write haiku's on her blog.  
    • "Faux-mmelier" (Fake Sommelier): SHE who knows a little something about wines and thinks a "reasonable" bottle at a restaurant is $65 (based on a true story).
    • "Faux-macist" (Fake Pharmacist): SHE who has a pill for everything and knows what to take for every occasion.  (Watch for these people at the airport...they are the ones always flying the friendly skies).
    • "Faux-sho": Alternative spelling of one of the best lines in The 40 Year Old Virgin.  


    1. "Faux-tainer" (Fake Entertainer): HE who karaokes, joins a dad band, or just secretly desires to be in a band and just plays in his own basement singing to his children's stuffed animals. Crap! I've outed myself!

      "Faux-caster" (Fake Meteorologist): HE (never seen a she do this one either) who follows radar and weather forecasts and actually channels Tom Skilling when discussing a weather event. Further, uses the term "weather event" and/or "activity" to describe precipitation. Outed meself again!

    2. Nice additions. I would add that the Faux-caster also uses made up abbreviations such as "precip".

    3. I once tucked my man parts between my legs to form a "Faux-gina"

    4. "Faux-igator" (Fake Navigator) : SHE who uses the sun to navigate around rather then GPS to always know what direction SHE is traveling. SHE rarely gets lost and gets much enjoyment out of hearing her husband say, "You're right, that way is west..." But if SHE were to find herself in parts unknown, with heavy clouds, SHE could be SOL!