Typos Can Be So Darn Funny!

How do I love e-mail, let me count the ways:

1. I don't need to shower to e-mail

2. It takes 5 seconds to write an e-mail versus the 15 min I might have to spend on the phone yacking with someone

3. Information is in writing for those of us with age/life-related memory problems

4. Typos can be HILARIOUS!

I almost always have typos in my e-mails...pretty much because of #2 above.  (But really, I think typos are just the occupational hazard of life.)  Here is an e-mail I wrote to a SHE the other day:  "Come over and we can have a glass of wine and admire my birth bath".  She replied that she is not coming over and that's disgusting.  

My most favorite typo came to me in an e-mail from a former boss, a Senior Vice President of a large, global consumer products company.  Here was the exchange:

Me: Do you want to review this or can I make the decision myself?

He: Can I thrust you?

I deleted that e-mail quickly because mistakes like that in a company that size are not so funny (well, to me they still are funny but not to the shiny happy people in HR).

Today, I got the following e-mail from a SHE:

"Hi Guys
Kel is going today to buy a 100 dollar gift card from REI (thanks Kel)
Please bring 20 bugs tonight to pay her. I'll buy a card we can sign."

To which I replied:

"Sh*t, 20 "bugs"?  That's going to take me all day at this time of year!  How about if we bring 20 of those fluffy white things floating in the air?  I can see 20 of those from my window right now."

Turns out, it wasn't a typo!  My dear SHE friend is German and really thought it was "bugs".  This sounds preposterous...until you realize that calling them "bucks" is just as crazy.  I just tried to find out why we even call them "bucks" and cannot find a straight answer...seems to lie somewhere between using deer hides as currency and using the term "sawbuck" for $10 bill.  

For making me laugh out loud today over that e-mail, I am rewarding my SHE friend with a scrumptious Blue Hawaiian this evening.  If you haven't had one in a while, I highly recommend re-visiting the cocktail...they cost about 10 bugs if you order one at a restaurant and less than 1 bug if made at home.  

Happy Memorial Day weekend!!! 

Beef Designed Specifically for a Beer...SHE Don't Get it.

Admittedly, I do not have testicles, which might explain why I just don't get this.  The makers of Sam Adams have partnered up with a butcher to produce a cut of beef that "brings out the best" of both the beer and the beef.  This specially-designed cut of beef will be sold in retail stores under the name, Sam Adams Boston Lager Cut.  Here is the article. 

I'm going to save you some time and put my favorite part of the article right here:  “We narrowed it down to a few parts of the animal, and some of them are unexpected.” 

Um, what?  Exactly what parts of the animal would be used in this cut of beef that would be characterized as "unexpected"?  Why do these unexpected parts of a cow bring out the flavor of beer?  (Whoops, just threw up in my mouth a little bit thinking about it).  And how exactly does beer make the unexpected parts of a cow be at their "best"?

What Sam Adams, or even better...the makers of grain alcohol...should be doing is coming up with some drink to bring out the best of fish and shrimp contaminated with the flavor of crude petroleum. Now THAT would certainly be "unexpected"! 

 

The Nutritionista on being an Injury-Free SHE

First off, let me be clear that I am not receiving any money from anyone to promote specific products.  I know, I know....this is shocking since I have so many "followers" (I believe I'm up to 6 now...woo-hoo!)   But given my educational background/career history and the fact that I've been on the planet for many decades now, I feel qualified to offer an opinion.  So as it pertains to reducing sports-related injuries, here goes:


One of the fundamental principles of The Decade of SHE (or HE for that matter), is to maximize your potential, which is not possible if you are hurt, injured, too sore to do fun things, etc.  One common way to get messed up is through exercising...usually hard core exercising, like training for a half or full marathon, playing tennis, women's soccer tournaments, spinning, etc.  


As a Dr. Dork who peruses the scientific literature on nutrition, it is a disappointment and reality that there are not a lot of studies being conducted on 30 to 50-something year old women who like to exercise.  Researchers like men who aren't hormonal or post-menopausal women.  Furthermore, most sport-related research is conducted in younger athletes. 


But the studies that are available (on men, young women, older women) are pretty convincing that drinking a protein and carbohydrate beverage after you work out is a good thing.  It reduces muscle soreness, fatigue, and muscle damage so that you recover faster.  This is a good thing.  You are less likely to hurt yourself if you are not sore and limping around.     


This is not new news.  It has been known for quite a while and I have always tried to make myself a little protein shake after my long runs and gym workouts to take advantage of this little fact.  


Although research is lacking in the area, there is some evidence that protein is a really good thing for women of all ages.  I really do think it makes a HUGE difference.  I finally got my other workout partner (Mo) to try it and guess what....she thinks it's working too!  It's best if it's within about 30 minutes of when you finish working out.  You may not be hungry or thirsty, but override those signals and get the stuff in.  Your welcome!


If you consider yourself at all athletic, I suggest you read Dara Torres' book.  If you are not familiar with the name, Dara is the most awesome SHE that competed in the last Olympics at 41 years old (she was not caught on film with a bong in her hand, just fyi).  Dara is really challenging everything we ever thought about athletics and age.  She is proving that age is not a barrier (at least not to age 41 yr).  


In Dara's book, she talks about consuming a protein supplement.  And she actually endorses a specific type of protein supplement.  Since I think Dara is amazing and I did a little background research on the stuff myself, I purchased Dara's recommended protein supplement.  It is expensive, but in this SHE's opinion, worth it.  It is lower in calories than other protein supplements and because of the processing, should be more readily available and absorbable.  I dump  few scoops in a dilute sports drink.  It clumps up a bit, but shake the heck out of it and it will be fine.  It also works in orange juice or lemonade or a FUZE.  


To my dear friend Mo...what took you so long???

Inflatables

A SHE just told me the word, "inflatables", conjures up images that are X-rated in nature.  But for me, "inflatables" just means T and A....as in Totally Awesome!  


Inflatables come in pretty much every shape you can possibly imagine.  I had 3 inflatables in my yard this weekend for a kid's birthday party....I mean, a kid's totally awesome tiki party!!!  Here was the crowd pleaser....a giant jumpy jumper that not only entertains for hours, but magically results in an early bedtime for the less-than-10-yrs set.

This was also effective for causing early-onset-fatigue and uncontrollable fits of laughter:

And what can I say about this?!?  This was my most favorite of all!  Look at the clean lines and simplicity of it all.  It's really quite a masterpiece.  Its hard to see, but it includes 3 built-in coconuts...making it much more realistic than other inflatable palm trees.  (Note the $3.99 slip-n-slide with a lame-O inflatable ring at the end...thumbs down...note to self: spend at least $5.00 on the next one).  

How awesome is this inflatable?  That would have totally made the party.  I am a bad mom for missing this.  I'm buying it for my living room to stand next to the coffee table with the blue tape and paper towels on the legs.  I'm classy.  

The Nutritionista on the Pesticide and ADHD Study (had to)

It's been the buzz for sure!  A study published in the journal, Pediatrics, suggests that there is a positive association between pesticide use and presence of ADHD in children.  Here are the specifics of the study:

• Some Dr. Dorks used data from what's called the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey.  This is run by the Centers for Disease Control.  These folks travel around the county and set up little mobile doctor's offices.  They randomly select kids and adults of all ages to come in their double-wide, ask them about a billion questions about their health and then siphon off a bunch of biological samples (mainly blood and pee) to run all sorts of analyses.  It is because of these fine people that we have data that ~60% of Americans are overweight or obese, 16% of adults have high cholesterol, 21% of adults currently smoke, etc.  
• They took the data from about 1000 kids and then looked at the relationship between a diagnosis of ADHD (which was about 100 of these kids) and pesticide residue in their pee.
• Turns out, the kids with ADHD had a lot more pesticide residue in their pee. 

There was a similar study published in March that showed that pregnant mothers exposed to environmental chemicals (often found in pesticides) had off-spring that were much more likely to have ADHD at age 7 to 11 years.  

Check out the following sentence that was included in that first paper, "Prospective studies are needed to establish whether this association is causal".  

If you are not a dork, I mean scientist, here is what this means:  "We need to wait to really do anything about this because we don't know if pesticides cause ADHD or if having ADHD results in having more pesticide residue in the urine."

Although this seems illogical, this is the reality of running these types of studies.  The best way to determine which comes first (ADHD or pesticide residue in the pee) is to run a study where you get a group of cute, dough-faced, wide-eyed babies together and make one group  eat a bunch of pesticides and not the other.  Okay, that is never going to happen (thank goodness).  

The other way to test this is to find a population of babies, enroll them in your study (have parents sign a form), and then just track them for a period of time (in the case of ADHD, probably 10 years).  Then you can better assess everything they are eating, drinking, doing and look at whether pesticide exposure results in ADHD later on in life.

What can SHE do right now???  Start buying more organic produce or if you buy conventional, wash the produce for at least 2 minutes under running water.  Pesticides are definitely not good for us and who knows what effects they have on our bodies.  Also, take the fruit/veggie outside of the plastic container to wash it.  Nothing makes me cringe more than watching someone open the plastic container of strawberries and rinsing them in the container for 2 seconds.   That's not doing anything!  You cannot even wash off bug poop in that short amount of time, much less chemicals!

(Do you think Pesticides in the Pee is a great name for a band or what?  I do!!!)

Repossessing my House, Part Duh

I am desperately trying to create an environment in my home that makes me happy.  I deserve that now, right?  Most of my existing furniture is either crap, or crap, or crappy crap.  I've made a few purchases in recent months.  I'm quite happy with them.  So happy, in fact, that no one is allowed to see them.  Here is the custom ottoman that I had made to matchy match with my kitchen valence.

Here is how it exists almost every minute of every day in my house.

It's quite funny...I not only paid for the custom ottoman, but then I spent another $50 on the coordinating blanket that covers the ottoman to keep it safe.  Because if I'm going to have a nice inanimate object, I need to protect it from harm, right?  (See little Pussy Willow Sanchez lurking under the ottoman, waiting to rub her feline cooties all over it?  Bad kitty!)


Today I just got my new chairs that I ordered back in November.  What?  Is that a typo you say?  No, I'm serious, it was November.  Obviously, they were carved by hand and upholstered with silk from worms raised in the home of royalty in a remote region of China.  Yep, I'm just that particular.  (not)


Here is the room before the chairs came in.  Please note that I have every possible cat toy in the space, including the Pet Emory (that doesn't work), which I bought off the TV in a moment of weakness (or drunkenness or PMSenness).  My view out the window rocks, doesn't it?  

Here are my new chairs.  It's hard to appreciate the silk worm-detail and intricate carving work on the legs.  Oddly, they are covered in dust, which may suggest that they were lost in a warehouse for a period of time, but I'm choosing not to accept that explanation.  And yes, I'm already looking for a coordinating blanket to protect them...a "blankphylactic" if you will.  

Do any of you have anything like this in your house?  A coffee table with legs wrapped in paper towels and then covered in painter's tape?  I do!

I just saw this in House Beautiful or Domicile or one of those fancy schmancy magazines, it's just THAT COOL.  It has nothing to do with the fact that this table is made of steel and slices SHE toes like a Cutco knife slices tomatoes.  But seriously, why this is in my house, I do not know.  But I just ordered a replacement and a coordinating blankphylactic...stay tuned.  

The Nutritionista on Starbuck's sweeteners

I've had a few friends ask me to blog on special topics.  So this one goes out to Jill, one of my totally awesome workout partners.  You make me look bad every week, but I love you anyway.    

She asked me to talk about good vs. evil with respect to sweeteners.  She likes to dilute her Starbuck's with "add-ons" and was wondering what the best option was for doing so.


So here goes:

• No added sugar/sweetener in a low-calorie coffee is the best option.  If that's not an option for you, try skim or soy milk.  If that's not an option, read on.

• Honey would actually be the next best option, but I don't think Starbuck's offers that.  It may be the only form of sugar not currently available at Starbuck's.  Seriously Barista's....how did you let this happen?  People are paying $4 for something that costs less than a dollar.  Offer them honey.  

• If most of your diet is low in sugar, then just sweeten your coffee with sugar.   A teaspoon of sugar is about 4 g or 16 calories...a small amount if you're adding it to a black coffee or non-fat latte.  Even adding two teaspoons of sugar is not that bad.  The general recommendation is to limit added sugars to less than 100 calories per day.  So if you avoid sugar sodas, candy, baked goods, etc., then a small amount in your coffee is a-okay.  The flavored syrups are sugar-based and are about 20-25 calories...so 1 pump is not a huge deal (unless you're adding to a Venti Mocha Frappuccino that already has over 350 calories...at that point, stop kidding yourself that it's a "coffee" and just go get a Ben & Jerry's).  

• If you eat a lot of sugar, then artificial sweeteners are probably a good idea for you.  That is assuming that you can tolerate them.  Some people get headaches from Nutrasweet or gas/bloating from other artificial sweeteners.  Some people find the sugar-free syrups to really cause gas.  Everyone is different when it comes to these things so figure out what works best for you.

• Nutrasweet versus Sucralose?  Again, I think personal preference based on your tolerance.  There is nothing healthy about any 'artificial sweetener'...the word, "artificial", should be your first clue (duh).  Arguing over which is better is silly.  One or two sachets in your coffee are fine.  

For me personally, I try to choose organic, natural food as much as reasonably possible, but I like to have a Diet Coke at least a few times a week.  And sometimes I eat black licorice and red wine for dinner.  (This is probably why Jill kicks my a$$ at our workouts).  But I like my coffee black.  And I think honey rocks.    

Good Book Club Read

If you like books about teenage Nigerian girls fleeing their homeland because men are raping and killing the women to clear the land for oil rigs, then this book is for you!  I can't decide if I like the part where the one woman cuts off her finger with a machete or when the other woman hangs herself.  Wait a minute, I like the part when the man hangs himself. Gosh, it's so hard to pick just one favorite part.

In all seriousness, this book has two redeeming qualities, in my opinion.  First, it is beautifully written.  Chris Cleave has a way with words.  You forget you're reading about all this horrible stuff...until the key words smack you in the face and you're back to the reality of the subject matter.

Second, one of the characters is a little boy who wears a batman costume every day of his life.  That is something this SHE can relate to.  Not the batman costume per se, but the wearing the same thing every day.  Seems practical and environmentally friendly (as long as you're not in my immediate surrounding environment).  

Signed,

The Decade of SHE Smells     

On Being a "Yes Ma'am!"

In the last 6 months, I have found myself saying yes a lot more often than saying no.  This is partly because I'm ready to take on some new experiences but mostly, it's because the experiences are falling in my lap. And it seems like they keep coming...and I keep saying yes!

Here's something I NEVER thought I would ever do in my life: SHE Soccer (aka, old-lady soccer).  I have never played soccer and truth be told, the multitasking of soccer (running while rolling that ball thingy) scares the 'cleat' right out of me.  

But I found myself saying 'yes ma'am' when asked to participate on "the team", which is a group of moms from our elementary school.  We play  moms from the other elementary schools in our little town.  We wear fancy uniforms (see photo) that were designed by a HE (with our very own, specially designed logo).  We wear shin guards borrowed from our kids.  We try not to hurt ourselves and inevitably, someone picks up the ball during the game by mistake. 

Most importantly, it's just a lot of fun.  Not only do we have our players, but we have other SHEs that handle our PR (ie, sending e-mails to get people to come to our games), refreshments (ie, beer for after the game), and cheerleaders (self explanatory).  The organizing SHE just had to make a few phone calls to pull it all together.  It's a great way to roll with the homies (or mommies) AND burn about 300-400 calories/game. 

Next up is a jazz class for me and SHE spectacular, K Tob.  I'm working on our uniform (which will definitely include leg warmers)...stay tuned.           

The Swagger Wagon to a Coup d'SHE

A Decade of SHE reader asked me to blog about the Swagger Wagon video.  Actually, she asked me to brainstorm what Honda might do in response to that video.  Have you seen this video?  If you drive a minivan (me) or make fun of those who do (me), you'll find it funny.  It's one of these things that's gone viral on the internet...to the delight of Toyota's leadership team who are still in denial over the recent, ahem, "issues".  

I really tried to come up with some funny stuff.  But I was beat to the punch by a HE.  He said HE and his SHE have a Shaggin' Wagon, but they cannot share the video.  How could I possibly top that?!?  That's good comedy.  


But I refused to give up, so I spent the last 12 hours thinking about it.  And guess what?  Nothing.  


I did keep coming back to thinking about what kind of car I would drive if money and technology were limitless.  I figure I better start putting forth these ideas so some 12 year old working out of their basement could invent some of these things.  I'm years out from actually being able to buy one of these cars so the timing will be perfect!


The Coup d'SHE

• A one-seater.  No one else is allowed to ride in my car except for me.  It will have a secret jump seat for my female companions for occasions such as clothes shopping, antiquing, or Thelma and Louise reenactments.  It will not be visible to men or children.  
• A UV-shield.  I definitely want a convertible, but I now shun the sun (even though I am aware that all of my wrinkles were caused by my baby oil-tanning regimen earlier in my life...I just don't want any more to appear 20 years from now).  If there could be some sort of laser shield that allowed for open-air driving without UV exposure, I'd be happy.
• Smells like anything but 'icky milk'.  Anyone that has left a container of milk in their car for a few days knows what I'm talking about.  I would rather smell gym equipment or dirty laundry in my car.  Lavender or jasmine would be preferred, but anything, anything but icky milk.
• Air ducts that are directed to the steering wheel for drying a manicure.  Seriously, this should be standard in today's cars.    
• Beverage insulation system.  I may nurse a coffee or tea for hours.  If you could kindly keep it hot/cold, would greatly appreciate it.   
• Pedal re-design to accommodate heels.  Really, it's hard to drive in even a kitten heel!  There should be a hole or flexible material to allow for heels of all heights.  This is solely for safety.  My safety and the safety of every SHE's ankles out there.  

And all of this should be available at a discount for anyone that's had to drive a minivan, swagger wagon, shagging wagon, or whatever you call it for more than 3 years.  Peace out.  

The Nutritionista: Organic Produce Home Delivery Rocks

I am not lazy.  Just want to be clear on that.  I don't expect everything I need in life to be delivered to my door.  Although now that I think about it, is there anything that can't be delivered to your door these days? I can come up with nothing..although there is probably something and I bet it originates from the government or the public schools.  But I digress...

There are hundreds of reasons to eat healthy, but really only 2 major barriers to doing so: 1) cost 2) convenience.  It's going to be difficult to affect cost because organically-produced foods cost more money (although there are creative ways to achieving an overall healthy diet that is financially feasible for all).  And improving convenience is always a double-edged sword because often, convenience and health are inversely related.  For example, cutting up produce and packaging it in smaller containers affects the nutrient value. This is a suckie reality of fruits/vegetables.  


One way to improve convenience is through home delivery (because of busyness, not laziness, although could be both).  It is more expensive, true, but if you value healthy food and the whole concept of small, local farmers, it is likely worth the few extra bucks to have it magically appear in your kitchen within hours of harvest from the farm.   

One day last week, when I was staring out of my home-office window (aka, window-to-the-world), I saw a truck covered in vegetables drive down my street.  One google later, this SHE was signed up to have my first home delivery from Irv and Shelly's Fresh Picks.  


I ordered a soup kit, which had everything to make a gigantic pot of kale and bean soup.  There was a lot of cutting and some crying (I think it was the onions but could have been an emotional outburst after sniffing the kale), but it was worth it.  I even filled up my compost bin (behind the pot) with lots of "parts".   I just ordered another load for delivery this Friday...no soup this time, but all veggies. I've eaten enough soup for the rest of time. 


If I could just make one suggestion to Irv and Shelley is would be this: wine pairings.  And since I have been eating it for almost every meal since last Friday, I can tell you that kale and bean soup goes well with red or white.  And you're welcome.  

Are You a "Faux-sician" too?

I, and a few others, had a lot of fun with this post.  So, I've added a few more and am re-posting.  Again, feel free to add on:


With age, comes experience.  With experience, comes proficiency.  With proficiency, comes the ability to instruct others.  So based on this logic, we all have unlimited opportunities to offer advice and counsel to anyone that will listen.

I do not mean to undermine anyone's credentials as an expert.  But I am intrigued by the limitless pseudo-career options that can be obtained merely through aging.  Here is my running list...feel free to add:

• "Faux-sician" (Fake Physician): SHE who offers up medical advice or disagrees with the diagnosis of a health professional.  (I think we all do this...who hasn't diagnosed someone else's pregnancy?)  

•  "Faux-yer" (Fake Lawyer): SHE who understands even a shred of the complexity that is the US Legal System or she who always says, "so sue me". 

•  "Faux-titian" (Fake Dietitian): SHE who considers herself an expert on diet and health and most female celebrities at some point in their careers.  (A special shout out to one of my in-laws who was adamant that I start drinking milk when I was pregnant for fear that I would not be able to lactate without it).

• "Faux-tist" (Fake Artist): SHE who is taking art classes and/or SHE that makes the rest of us look bad with the most awesome Halloween costumes, party decorations, handmade gifts, etc.

•  "Faux-et" (Fake Poet): SHE who thinks it's funny to write haiku's on her blog.  

• "Faux-mmelier" (Fake Sommelier): SHE who knows a little something about wines and thinks a "reasonable" bottle at a restaurant is $65 (based on a true story).

• "Faux-macist" (Fake Pharmacist): SHE who has a pill for everything and knows what to take for every occasion.  (Watch for these people at the airport...they are the ones always flying the friendly skies).

• "Faux-sho": Alternative spelling of one of the best lines in The 40 Year Old Virgin.  

On Esty....Who Knew?

I LOVE Etsy!  To steal a line from Twilight, it's like my own personal brand of heroin.  I just cannot get enough of that site.  There are so many amazing and unique products that would make welcome additions to my life.  And then there are some real head-scratchers and a few things that make me laugh out loud.  Of course one SHE's treasure is another SHE's trash.   So....what do you think of these items from Etsy....treasure or trash???

Posted by The Huntress

Leather Neck Wrap

 Dress (size chiuaua)

Furry Drinking Flask

Apron

???? ($150.00)