When Coffee Almost Turned Deadly

Like most things in the world of nutrition, the reputation of coffee has done a 180.  It used to be vilified for it's addictive properties, causing stomach ulcers, and a few other nasties.  But recent research has shown that it reduces your risk of developing Parkinson's disease, type 2 diabetes, colon cancer, and gallstones.  Really, this is not that surprising since as a general rule, plants are good for you (with notable exceptions and some to much debate...can you say marijuana?).  

But coffee almost proved deadly one day at a local movie theater (Old Orchard for you locals).  A happy SHE was bringing her 3 kids to the latest kid's movie with talking rats or aliens or something...really, does it matter?  Anyway, like SHE always did, SHE stopped at Starbuck's for her overpriced, therapeutic latte...the only truly reasonable sedative for the matinee show.  However, unlike the previous 50 kid movies, SHE was told that SHE could no longer bring in her coffee.  It went like this:


Movie Person, "I'm sorry, but we no longer allow outside food or beverages into the theater."


SHE, "Um, why not?"


Movie Person, "I don't know, I just work here and take tickets."


SHE, "Do you sell coffee in your concession stand?"


Movie Person, "No."


SHE, "Do you sell hot tea?"


Movie Person, "No."


SHE, "So you're telling me that you do not sell coffee or tea, yet I cannot bring in my own?"


Movie Person, "Yes."


SHE, "Do you know it's 15 degrees outside?"


Movie Person, "Yes."


Manager of Theater, "Is there a problem?"


SHE, "Yes.  Can you explain to me the rationale for why you stopped allowing patrons, who are paying $9.50/ticket to watch crime-fighting gerbils, to bring in Starbuck's when you do not sell any hot beverages in your overpriced concession stand?"


Manager of Theater, "We recently changed our policy."


SHE, "Yes, I figured that out when the Movie Person told me that 5 seconds ago.  I'm looking for the reason?  Do you think I will now start buying $6 Cokes since I cannot bring in my coffee?  Do you think that I will buy more popcorn and candy in lieu of the coffee that I would have brought in?  Do you not understand how important this latte is to my overall movie enjoyment and my emotional health?"


Manager of Theater, "We will happily refund your money so you can leave."


SHE, "No, I'm going chug my hot coffee and then talk about your stupid policy, which discriminates against women who drink coffee, on my blog.  I hope you get gallstones!"