Friday, September 17, 2010

Let's Change the Names For All Things Icky

This week, the Corn Refiners Association filed an application to change the name of high fructose corn syrup (aka, HFCS) to "corn sugar".  Nobody likes HFCS.  But most people like corn and many more people like sugar, so it's only natural that people will like corn sugar...or so they think.

Now I recognize that HFCS is a big deal to many people (I'm not one of's in processed food and my opinion is just to eat less processed foods...not trade out the HFCS for another sugar).  But this name change got me thinking about other things out there that have terrible names with negative connotations.  Why stop at corn sugar?  Maybe we should be lobbying to change the name of several other things??? 
Here's my list thus far:

Menopause.  I don't like this word or any word in the family (e.g., menses, menstrual, etc.).  "Meno" actually stands for month which is derived from the word moon, but still...we're not Greek so who cares.  Since it's National Menopause Awareness Month in September, I've been thinking a lot about menopause.  Just a general there any woman out there that is not aware of menopause?  Just wondering.  Anyway, so what if the name were changed to something different?  What if it was something like "Wisdomenia" in, you're older and just smarter by that time in your life.  Or maybe it's something hip like "Generation F"...the "F" stands for freedom. Still brainstorming.  

Colonoscopy.  Colon cancer is one of the least deadly cancers when caught early by colonoscopy.  And sadly, lots of people decide against this procedure, I believe in part because of the name.  How about these options: "Cleanse n' Nap", "Sleeping Scope", or "Medi-Nap"?  Since you really just sleep through the entire thing, I think we need to push the restorative, sweet dreams aspects.
Mood swings.  I'm thinking we just call this whole concept, "Lotus-ing" for no reason other than it sounds pretty, yet provocative...which is way better than what a mood swing actually feels like...whether you're on the giving or receiving end. 

Politicians.  These folks are public servants that devote their lives to influencing policy for the purpose of serving the people and the greater good of society.  We should honor their sacrifice and give them an appropriate title that embodies their moral character as human beings..."Weenies".*

What else?  I have, like maybe, 5-10 minutes of free time a week to devote to this effort.  Give me your ideas and I'll do my best to start the ball rolling.  Together, we can doesn't need to stop with corn sugar.  Who's with me?!? 

*Not that I really need an excuse, but for the record, I live in Illinois.   

1 comment:

  1. Tip top idea. How about:

    Brussells Sprouts: What about "vegicandy". The older I get, the more I like them. I wouldn't even touch them as a kid. They're healthy, but have a bad rap. They need a name makeover.

    Erectile Dysfunction: I don't have a good name idea, but there's a lot of psychosis already tied up, and then you go calling it that...there's gotta be something better.

    Chores: In our house we call chores "candy games" and we give our kids candy or ice cream for doing a good job. Not sure that's the best parenting, but I've got a better hit rate than most of our friends on our kids keeping their rooms clean...