Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ugly People Should Consider a Career in Science...or as a Prison Guard

Remember sitting with your academic advisor discussing what you wanted to be when you grew up?  Perhaps that person asked you about your strengths and interests.  Perhaps they asked you about your economic expectations, interest in travel, or other job-related aspects.  But according to a new research study, they just need to look at you to identify your most promising career track. 

According to the study, unattractive women are more likely to succeed in jobs such as manager of research and development, director of finance, mechanical engineer, or prison guard.  Attractive women should pursue jobs in sales or administration.  The same was not true of men.  This means that academic advisors would merely need to evaluate the attractiveness of each student and advise them accordingly: "I'm sorry to burst your bubble young, attractive female...but you will never succeed as a prison guard....can you type?"

There are several studies to show that being attractive and tall can be an advantage in life.  But this study suggests that in male-dominated positions, attractiveness is seen as a negative perhaps because it may suggest the person is less intelligent.

I would like to suggest an alternative theory based on my experience as a scientist...a career where laboratory rats are the most attractive living creatures in the field:  Hiring and promoting unattractive people makes the other unattractive people feel more attractive.  Follow me?

Everyone wants to feel good about themselves.  If you surround yourself with unattractive people, there's a good chance you will feel more attractive.  For many reasons, it's socially acceptable as a scientist to let yourself go.  Having attractive women around may just make them look and feel bad about themselves. 

It's just a theory, of course.  The good news is that there are so many easy ways to become more or less attractive.  For example, if you were an attractive woman applying for a job as a scientist, consider not showering, wearing mom jeans or stirrup pants, accentuating dark circles under your eyes, encouraging gray fly-away hairs, drawing in a mono-brow, and wearing those weird orthopedic sandals with the thick bottom and 1970's buckle.  I'm just speaking from experience....I've hired several women just based on stirrup pants alone.

And one last thought...thank you all for your comments to my postings!!!  They make me laugh, make me think, make me happy that I'm generating a discussion with other smart amazing people!  Keep them coming!        


  1. OK here's something smart and amazing for you. I REALLY only like pretty people who wear nice clothes?

  2. That's not true! You also like pretty people who accessorize. :)

  3. Thanks T but you obviously don't think we're that smart and amazing... you felt the need to have explain your use of equivalent in your latest article....... bloody scientists! :)

  4. Being ideally suited to a job is not the same as having job/life satisfaction. People should pursue something they are good and/or passionate about.. something that will hold their interest and enthusiasm. Not showering and being unattractive (obviously you mean physically) is not a prerequisite.

    Also, this statement alone makes you seem like a joke: "I've hired several women just based on stirrup pants alone."